Doctor Gonzo for President

in response to memyself: im just generalizing...i have no clue if youre a male or female. you make a good point nonetheless...i guess you just have to pick my brain to really understand why im so obsessed with finding someone...and to save you the trouble ill just go ahead and do it here...okay, i am a person who loves to love...be it as of a friend or "sibling" in one case...but there are reserves of excess love that you can only share with someone else on a romantic level. its kinda like a savings account...the more you invest, the more interest backs up and etc...but in that sense money is a bad thing...because, yeah, too much bottled up emotion is never good for a person. especially me...seeing as my mind works differently than a lot of people i know. ...so yeah, this the only way i can communicate with you (memyself) until you get a blog online...
Anyway--
step one of my grand plan was halfway completed thursday...im trying to get kristin to be receptive to me, so as of this coming week ill be talking to her every chance i get...then step two: ask her to hang out on the weekend furthering the feelings between us...or so i can hope yeah? step three: shortly thereafter step two, ask her to prom...what better way to show someone that you like them without actually just jumping out there...itll be a case study in human nature and limited psychology...on another note
-feel free to take an intermission at this point-
i dont think i ever completely explained myself on the messy business of december. or maybe i did and this is just some crazy thought had the other day...moving on.... okay, i really didnt stop loving until about...maybe 4 or so days afterward..and that was because of some very hateful comments on the opposite party's part. i realize that i hurt her, but i suppose it was a misguided attempt at altruism (sacrificing yourself to better the other person)...would it have been better if i had just told her that we should see other people until some day in the future? perhaps. odds are it would have lessened the blow a bit. i truly dont know. but i say this with all confidence, if she were 6 hours north for good, we both wouldnt be miserable right now. and thats the truth. as obvious as that is, it hasnt been said before. at least i dont think...well thats enough of that...i wonder if anyone from my past reads this? not just the main person but theres like 3 others...i think...hmm...well feel free to comment if you do.

Sincerely,
Doctor Gonzo

Wasting another Sunday

Urg! every sunday is a wasted sunday here. it really sucks. i CAN get out, i just have no where to get out to...and it requires a great deal of haggling and calling people...which sometimes i really dont feel like doing. one thing these kinds of days are good for is thinking. not really about any one thing but just lots of things. the reason is theres not much to occupy your mind so its all you can do to keep sane i suppose. personally theres too many things that id rather choose not to think about but i cant help it. love, life, the general things. love more so...life has always been there so its not that hard to deal with. but, love and life are intertwined so...eh, who knows. i dont know who that last guy who commented was but he told me "not to try so hard"...when in all reality i dont try that hard. i tend to sit back and very subtly interact with the person who i like. im not a bold person by any means...as my friends know. but when i start to get desperate i do tend to get a little impatient and just let emotions flow. sort of a flaw id say. but whatever, its me, if whoever cant handle it i dont want to be around them anyway. on another note ive decided to overhaul my standards a bit..Version 1.2 if you will...height: not so much of a problem anymore, why? because apparently the short girls are the most sought after so the taller ones are the only ones left. its called adaptation...even though i dont stand very tall i must adapt to different options, simple human nature. then theres the social labeling thing: ive been seeking something that just comes after youve made it come out of someone...you know, that "special something"...in my opinion that isnt just found in nature, you have to bring it out of people. so there you have it...V 1.2...its odd though, the height thing, ive found myself attracted to a very tall girl...very odd thing....she must have a foot on me i swear lol...then theres a few others...in the 5'4"-5'5" range...which really isnt that bad...so anyway...just needed to rant a while...

--Sincerely,
Doctor Gonzo

as said previously...life marches on...straight off a cliff

ok...i get to rant now...because i have a great subject on which to do it. as my poem in the last post said, "hope dies"...and truly it has. its just happened too many times now, and everytime i try to resurrect that hope it just gets sliced up again. i just dont get it. the one girl that has everything i consider to be just plain fucking great finds a boyfriend...which im not really mad at all...its her life, she gets to pick what she wants. i, however, just wasnt what she wanted. i can accept that. after all shes liked him for like 3 years...i on the other hand...probably...6 months at the most...or least..i dont know. certainly less than 3 years. people say that everyone finds someone....which in most cases is true, but for me...it seems that i can FIND someone, but when it comes to actually "hooking" that person i fail so miserably that it discourages me from ever even trying again. but seeing as i very rarely give up i just keep pounding the virtual pavement on whatever thing thats new...xanga...myspace (to an extent)....whatever else. my trust in meeting people through friends has been badly shaken. madison knows. it was basically the same principle there too, her and her current boyfriend had had a fight or some shit and they were on a break i guess you could say. and just when i think its going well, they patch things up. its ok though, she wasnt really my type anyways. you all see where im going with this. im a complete and total failure at love. plainly and simply. i mean well but theres some fundamental flaw about me. God knows what that is. because i sure as hell dont. well thats all i really feel like saying.

--Goodnight

life marches on...and a poem! egads..

oh my goodness...where to begin...the week has been a blur thank god, it went by really quickly. so lets skip ahead to the glorious weekend. friday: Dr. Gonzo gave legal advice to Ahab and Jacques...Ahab chose to ignore my counsel on many an occasion so i let him go as a client. we all went on a journey to find the American Dream. the main nerve was in sight but alas, just out of reach. the closest we got was wal mart...where every broken down trailer-trash welfare leecher can be a manager...the american dream was afoot but nay, not in this god forsaken place. we had investigated the mall previously...not there either. so at about 9:30 pm or so we all got tired, and we blazed back to my house where i promptly got out and kissed the sweet, sweet ground. then after that...i severely wanted to talk to ashley because her computer had been messing up so she couldnt see what i was writing...if i recall correctly i did talk to her...or maybe not...idk...saturday: got fitted for a tux...got some pants...bought some dvds at blockbuster...home...waited for ashley to get on cuz i had been missing her dearly for like 2 nights in a row...watched 2 1/2 of my 3 dvds...and...Dr. Gonzo hasnt been too well lately, theres things hes gotta tell someone but shes increasingly hard to corner and make plans with. if i really wanted to i could just tell her over this impersonal chatter box known as a computer but NO! in person or nothing! unless it doesnt happen within the next week...then ill be forced to...
anyways, i have a very important meeting with my bed, its a very demanding client so i must get there quickly....
Sincerely, Doctor Gonzo

"Love"
its a many splendored thing
people spend years searching all the wrong places
high, low, near, far...
though everyone has it inside, some choose to unite it with another.
success? failure?
rejection...
hope dies...
pierced with a thousand daggers...
bleeds to death...
it is excruciating.
it is pain.
it is agony.
it is beautiful.
it is love.

blogger is back online...huzzahhhhhh!

What is this!? good god im freaking out here...all because it seems that someone has fallen off the face of the planet. i mean theres the normal stress of the whole situation, then this added to it...its...just...GAAAAHHHHHHHH!....it kills man! freaking..kills....slowly deteriorating into some kind of deranged hermit beast that isnt sociable at all. even last night i could feel it working me over...the pain rushing up and down my spine...etc, etc. to quote Hunter S. Thompson,"he who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man". is it true? if one just went off the deep end would it really be that bad? ignore this nightmare...thats all that has to be done. i dont know, im spouting quotes here like some kind of fountain of frigging webster. anyway, ill audio-update tomorrow...grace you freaks with my voice for once in a great while....
--Sincerely, Dr. Gonzo -Case Closed-

postscript: not mentioning my plans on here, they always get canceled when i do...just wish me luck...later

round two...

i havent been up to much...which is why this hasnt been updated for a while. um...ashley and i made plans for this afternoon/tonight...seeming more like tonight right now. but um...yeah, i havent heard from her all day so...proly not gonna see her today. she said something about wanting to tell me something in person but..crap..i havent seen her yet. i have something to tell her too, but again...crap. and again, it must be in person...or maybe the phone if it comes to that but yeah...other than all that depressing stuff...nothing exciting has happened in a very long time...and..yup...ive ran out of words

--later