As anxiety bubbles up through my torso...so one begins to worry about future events...almost indefinitely canceled soon. later confirmed.

sorry about that long title but that is exactly what im thinking right now. at risk of blowing this whole operation or setting it ahead where it is soon planned to be...ill elaborate on why i am thinking this. I have plans with ashley at some point tonight, but as to whether she can go has been answered as of 3 seconds ago. and another lonely sunday night i spend at home. i can understand though, shes a busy person..i shouldnt complain about it, its her life and she can choose what she wants to do. i dont question whether she wants to hang out with me based on trust issues and the fact we talk for extended periods of time every day. completely not her fault, and if youre reading this right now (however unlikely) its perfectly fine. i must be cursed...that appears to be the only reason that i can percieve...i have the ambition, the amount of courage required is present, the sheer will to get things done...yes, a powerful curse is present here. that or some other supernatural essence is here...take your pick. even divine intervention doesnt seem to want to grace me with its presence...seeing as every time i go to church i literally pray that i can spend even a little bit of time with her...may seem obsessive but i dont care...if i were obsessing about this then these posts would be more centered on her actually and not my feelings on the subject. and now im sure you can realize why i said i may be ruining my operation...and if you cant, dont worry about it. but yargh! this is driving me crazy...and i have some things to discuss with her later on, even if the original plan was to talk to her in person...but since that doesnt seem like its gonna happen, screw that, plan B...

--later

part 2 of 2

part 1 of 2

blazing along highway 5 in the great black landshark...

textual posts are like...so last night

this new audioblogger thing is great. technology is amazing isnt it? ive audio-posted twice in one day so im good for at least 24 hours. but! i have some things on my mind that i want to rant about...
-Love Lives-(plural of life, not like alive)
i am constantly in the presence of couples. school, home, limited social life...now dont get me wrong, i love you guys(not anyone in particular)...i really do, but im not couple bashing here im just explaining my position on love and how it relates to me. it really doesnt to be very honest...i had my shot at it, blew it, was fine for a while...even had someone else in mind, fucked that up horribly, suffered for about 3 and a half months....and here i am once again wondering when that glorious halo of light appears around another girls head. when that will happen, i dont know...will it happen at all? who knows. i think about it pretty much every day when i check the xanga metro for some prospective lovers...and every day is a disappointment. i know that nothing is new. nothing has changed except that someone has updated. i dont know why i do it, its like instinct now more than anything. like when a dog hears a bell and relates it to food being available...much like me in the same way, except im not a dog obviously. i mean, as of right now this whole endeavor seems pointless, hopeless, and fruitless above all else. i cannot find anyone that meets my standards. which if you were wondering are: Short, very good looking, intelligent, loves the same music as me, gets along with madison(because if they cant get along with her then screw that, shes my sister for goodness sake!), can take a joke, absolutely will not cheat for any reason, non-smoker..non-drug abuser, etc. etc. ,, i think you get the idea yeah? but that certain female is the most elusive thing since the chupacabra or any other slightly mythical creature. only once in a great while will i even get a glance at this magnificent being, my perfect mate, the one if you will. i thought i had that pinned down but, apparently not...so i continue that near impossible hunt for that one person. i know it will not be easy but its basically essential for me to have someone that loves me and i can love them in return...because ive tasted it once, and i crave it once again.

--goodnight

My First audio post...yay

life=bitch

well um...as you can see by the title im not in the greatest of moods at the current moment. ive just been questioning the whole faith versus fate thing. should one have faith that someday they may find someone or believe fate has someone out there for them? i personally dont know...but i choose faith. recent developments have pushed me towards this choice. although in the grand scheme of my plight, choice is an illusion. everything I choose ends up backfiring...say someone else made that choice, then it would work fine for them and maybe even for me or whoever. but yeah, im just kinda empty right now...feel terrible. so goodnight and good luck..hey thats a movie

--later

i did this once, it didnt work...

b-l-a-r-g...apples, correct. um...yes, i donated blood to the nice nurse ladies at school yesterday. they were really nice to me after i was about to faint lol...but i gave my pint! short people do have that much blood to spare obviously. the more selfless acts people do greatly benefits the greater good. this paper they gave me said that 3 or 4 people will get use of my blood, and wow...ive never helped a complete stranger before. so everyone who donated...you have my complete respect, what better thing to do than give your own life blood that has, for the most part, been circulating for your whole life. and i mean a lot of us werent using it anyway lol, so yeah...woo to all of you guys! adam , kreyton and i went....they asked some freaky questions about who weve had sex with...funny stuff

--later

Dr. Gonzo, attourney at law...

TUESDAY: not much, im about to have to go to bed cuz i totally i forgot i had this window open! so school was a B day and that wasnt so bad, then break was hell because there were like 80 billion lies/secrets/rumors flying around and i got my hair pulled on in the process and threatened to be castrated by kreyton for some odd reason. katelynn and nathan are like whoa, bam, puke...they apparently both wrote each other sick little notes about...ew...then lunch was more of the same...PFD was great, but we have to sew...SEW...of all things on this earth we do the one thing that is the most evil and vile of the bunch...then after school i came home, bored myself nearly to death until about 6:30 then headed off to explorers...then attempted to fix travis' paintball gun with no success...piece of crap...now im back home...going to bed,

Query: i like my halo name Don Napolen...but Dr. Gonzo is sounding much more appealing right now...i might just switch to that...hmm..dunno

Goodnight Freakland! The Don

Monday night...bored...

today is monday...today i went to school as well...and like...yeah...feeling especially hopeless today...dunno why exactly...just am...tomorrow is a b-day, which is good because i can just doodle my way thru art and hope chemistry is easy. today was pretty funny i suppose... lunch was great as usual...kreyton stole my spot though and i had to sit on the dark side of the table...which i didnt appreciate... then PFD was fine i guess...then the rest of the day was....the rest of the day. now im here...bored out of my mind...and yeah, im out

later--

World Domination

Ha! I can mess with your blog now!!!!!! This is one step cloder to Thoraxe ruling the known world!

--The Don's Turn...
look at the evil i have unleashed....im just too damn lazy to type your name!
wish xanga was this cool tho...

In the middle...Caboose said, "let there be crunchbite". and so it was...

OK so no more about last week in here or any other blog thing because of some recent events...so right now im doing math models homework...hoping ashleys parents let her go do soemthing later cuz i am INSANELY bored...church today, boring as usual. had subway, quite good. kreyton, james, travis cale and i played halo last night and "sampled some cranberry juice with .5% alcohol in it".... got there at 7, left at 10...fun times...and yeah, shortest post ever on here i think...

Later--

bored on the sixth of January of two-thousand and six...

so...where was i? oh yeah...kreyton and all them left for sherman not too long ago and i have no one really to hang out with per se...ashley is online so i guess that counts toward me not going completely insane. this week has been fine i suppose, school started tuesday...what a drag...im already kinda tired of it...so school has been school this week. i have this calligraphy thing in art which im going to decapitate cuz its just...blargh...im using an excerpt from Poe's "The Raven"...pretty kickass but its killer to write... killer being bad in this context...um...wrote a 500+ word essay last night for english...huzzah!...now friday....great day...lunch was like effing awesome as usual...but at the end of the day we found out that nathan had broke up with katelynn "because of his grades" and he broke up with her in a note...a note! what the hell..well hes gonna hear about it cuz thats just not cool...then uh...yeah, here i am...i think thats all ...

later--

Just live and breathe, try not to die again...

well hasnt this week been an absolute hoot. it feels like the first time when we broke up, that she doesnt hate me and wouldnt mind me talking to her...but nah, everytime i think about...um...well if you know who im talkin about u know...anyway, everytime i think about her it makes me feel like im cheating. then i remember and its like "oh, right, im free". ..As i sit here just remembering everything. Sometimes i wish i hadnt done what i did. How and why did i? Love is an ideal i can see in the near future perhaps. Even so soon after this messy breakup. Yes, now so soon i feel i can. i liked her before she-who-must-not-be-named came back into my life...and i dunno..im gonna stop talking about that right now...um...tomorrow, ashley and i may be a) going with her friends somewhere or b) her and i to a movie. she didnt make it to the explorers party last night but thats cool, her sister was in town and they havnt seen each other in a while. very understandable. then tuesday..school...damnit..! but yeah...im done here

--Later , The Don