what blasphemy is this?

truly i disappoint myself. ive been reading all of my previous posts on here and i wish i could write like that again. perhaps i just dont have the inner gut propulsion of the anger/seething feeling of deep depression or loneliness. well not so much anymore really. i sort of have a "Stable-ish relationship going for me right now...although it is causing me some of that inner pain...but not so much that i get hung up on my own pool if sorrow and remorse. that pool of sorrow, however, was my home for a good many months. i would say from january til about the end of september of this year. hell of a long time, eh? truly it was. and after all this time it was that easy. i use the term easy loosely mind you...because it really hasnt been so easy on me, or her for that matter. her for example. she has her own issues to work out before we can work properly...alright, thats cool with me. as long as were still around each other and not hating...thats great news. the hard part for me is worrying about whether shes going to be alright or how shes going to act around her friends. even though we arent technically together right now it still gets to me. because all i ever wish for is a stable relationship with learning potential. and for the most part thats exactly what i have. with exception of some stability/trust issues. other than that...its grand. problem is is that those issues are weighed pretty heavily. but im still hanging in there, waiting until things blow over and they get back to normal. or as close to normal as possible. normality is all that i can wish and wait for. no guarantees...but a promise from someone i care about deeply. i hope she straightens things out, because right now all i want is her. and she knows that. all i want is to love and be loved again. im pretty sure we'll get to that point, but until she finds her way all i can do is be patient...something im kinda good at.