As anxiety bubbles up through my torso...so one begins to worry about future events...almost indefinitely canceled soon. later confirmed.

sorry about that long title but that is exactly what im thinking right now. at risk of blowing this whole operation or setting it ahead where it is soon planned to be...ill elaborate on why i am thinking this. I have plans with ashley at some point tonight, but as to whether she can go has been answered as of 3 seconds ago. and another lonely sunday night i spend at home. i can understand though, shes a busy person..i shouldnt complain about it, its her life and she can choose what she wants to do. i dont question whether she wants to hang out with me based on trust issues and the fact we talk for extended periods of time every day. completely not her fault, and if youre reading this right now (however unlikely) its perfectly fine. i must be cursed...that appears to be the only reason that i can percieve...i have the ambition, the amount of courage required is present, the sheer will to get things done...yes, a powerful curse is present here. that or some other supernatural essence is here...take your pick. even divine intervention doesnt seem to want to grace me with its presence...seeing as every time i go to church i literally pray that i can spend even a little bit of time with her...may seem obsessive but i dont care...if i were obsessing about this then these posts would be more centered on her actually and not my feelings on the subject. and now im sure you can realize why i said i may be ruining my operation...and if you cant, dont worry about it. but yargh! this is driving me crazy...and i have some things to discuss with her later on, even if the original plan was to talk to her in person...but since that doesnt seem like its gonna happen, screw that, plan B...

--later